What a week it has been.
On Monday, I decided to start a Through the Bible in a Year plan. Knowing that I needed something that would get me into the word every single day. I've made sure that, once I'm done with my daily readings, I spend a quiet time in other passages, talking to God, or just listening. It has been so long since I just sat down and had a real conversation with my Lord. A conversation that wasnt based solely in my selfish requests. And its been so long since I've truly listened. A lot has been revealed to me this week. The first revelation: I'm very quickly falling out of love with Jesse, just as he did with me. Not that we dont love each other.....its just a very different type of love than it was a week and a half ago. I called him and we talked about this for about 2 hours one night this week. Its hard for either of us to explain how this makes any sense, and how quickly our feelings could change after being madly in love with each other for 8 months. And I dont think we will ever really understand. All I know is this, God knew that this is what we both needed at this point in our separate lives. Sadly, taking Jesse away from me was pretty much the only way to bring me focus back to Him.
Second revelation: I am very terrified at the thought of losing Jesse as a friend, and I desire nothing more than for him to be my friend for the time being. In my whole life there have only been 2 people I have ever felt completely safe sharing my true self and emotions with, 2 people who really 'get' me. One is my best girlfriend....and the other is Jesse. I didnt realize that until we talked the other day. He understands how my thought processes work, and in 8 months picked up things about my personality that I never knew until he pointed them out. And we are not afraid to be completely (and brutally, if necessary) honest with each other about everything. He understands me to my core. We wont be best friends right away. But he is one of my dearest and truest friends.
Third: I am so spiritually malnourished. And I'm starving.
There are many more small revelations. Some that I'm still working out in my head and will share later.
more tomorrow...
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How exciting to read how the Lord is so quickly coming to your rescue with these little revelations, as you call them!
Last night I myself realized how shallow my prayers can be - no matter how much I fluff up my requests, they are still requests. and for some reason, even my praises felt shallow! So I just laid in bed, declaring things! Declaring "Lord, you are strong!" "You care for the weak!" it was great. It is great to continually grow in our prayer life.. it is so important that we don't let things get stale.
Where are you reading in the Bible?
Praying for you and Jesse.. sometimes friendships right after breakups can be hard because they continue to leave a hope in one or both parties that things might be able to be reconciled to where they used to be. So just be careful :)
Anonymous said...
January 14, 2009 at 1:32 PM