Start a Conflagration

On new years day, my resolution for the year was to do good in my last little bit of school, move to texas, love my boyfriend with all the love i had, and...when i had a little time between all of that, grow closer to God.  not the greatest of resolutions.  January 2 comes....and my world, my plans, are turned upside down and ripped apart.  the boyfriend I was going to spend so much time and energy on, who I'm sure I'm supposed to be with forever...is no longer mine.  He said that it just isnt right for him to be with me right now.  I was devastated, and tried very hard to convince him that he was wrong.  That there was no way God could be telling him we weren't supposed to be together because God was telling me that we were.  I spent two days fighting God, fighting everything, demanding that this was wrong.  Now its January 7th.  Very little time has passed, but I'm no longer fighting this.  My pastor spoke Sunday on his journey to God.  It focused a lot on coming to God in your struggles, during your battles.  This, along with conversations with some very wise, Godly people, helped me realize how I needed to be looking at this struggle I'm facing.  i cant fix this situation.  And I cant fix my broken heart.  All I can do in this season is rely on God to carry me through.  I must draw nearer to him, and dwell in Him every day.  Not when I have time.  Not when I'm done with school, done with my friends, done with my plans....but during all of that.  God holds my future in his hands.  he knows his plans for me.  Honestly, I believe that Jesse and I will be together again.  But I dont know that for sure, and it hurts not knowing.  But God is sovereign, and I must bury myself in him, trust his will, his perfect timing and his perfect plan for me.

So, my new resolution is to bury myself in God. Bring him into every aspect of my life.  Immerse myself in his word.